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9 Superheroes That Would Best Handle The BP Spill

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Right now there’s no larger global villain than BP due to the current conditions of the Gulf Coast. In one fell swoop; Britain’s oil executives have managed to eclipse the tensions between North and South Korea and the anniversary of Iran’s election results all at the once.

At the current rate of oil gushing forth, the only immediate solution to the problem exists in the realm of fantasy. Being the geeks that we are, we’re proposing our top list of heroes who would bring about justice against England’s fat cats—if not an immediate solution to the crisis.

Captain Planet

We’re going to ignore the fact that the very hero who fights pollution also bears it as his greatest weakness. Regardless, Green Peace’s chief crusader is the perfect hero for the job.

Aquaman

Some would qualify Aquaman as a casualty of the BP oil spill. We say that he would never have let those Brits drill in his ocean in the first place.

Submariner

While Aquaman is kind of a stock joke amongst nerds, his hot tempered Marvel counterpart would undoubtedly bring about swift justice against oil execs for polluting his waters.

Iron Man

There’s no doubt that Tony Stark possesses the technology to seal the leak. If not, he’s familiar enough with corporate legislation to ensure that BP never works in this country again.

Storm

A quick tempest from this weather goddess could push the spill further into the Atlantic until it reaches the shores of England, ensuring that BP’s head quarters never eat fish and chips again.

Captain America

America’s favorite patriot is all about extracting justice on enemies both foreign and domestic, but mostly foreign.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The greenest heroes of the 80s created an eco-friendly campaign during their hey day.  Like the others mentioned, it’s likely that BP’s Manhattan stations would receive a short visit from New York’s favorite mutants in retribution.

She-Hulk

Speaking of green, Marvel’s hero and lawyer for hire has enough legal expertise to sue BP’s company to the poor house. Tony Hayward has been fairly defiant in cooperating with the clean up, and we’d like to see how he’d fare alone in a court room with the female equivalent of the Hulk.

Magma

Alison Crestmere’s mutant powers grant her the mastery over both the tectonic plates and lava. All it takes is one call to Xavier’s School for the Gifted and the oil leak would’ve been plugged in an instant.

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  • FURIOUSFANBOYS Writer
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