After years of building up to my total awesomeness in the WoW world, I have seen too many of these types in my raid groups, and I would like to share my frustrations with those who will appreciate them – my fellow Fanboys/girls. I know there are plenty more out there, but for me, these stick out the most. Observe the following species in their natural habitat, as I have had to do countless times, and be happy if you’re in a guild that never has to see the raid Dark Side: The dreaded pug.
Nerd Rager Guy
You all know this one. The one who pays his Blizzard dues just like the rest of us, and yet cannot find any happiness in the land of Azeroth, especially while raiding. The NerdRager will find a great many things to yell about, usually involving a piece of loot that went to someone with, say, 1.5k lower gear score than said Rager, or that he received fail heals that resulted in a death. Yes, there is a reason you died, and believe me, it’s not because my healer was a fail. And no, you cannot get a rez. Run back so I can promptly /facepalm, kick you, and then visit my ignore button. Thank you, and have a nice day, Nerd Rager Guy, but I have a feeling you won’t.
He gets the invite. He gets the summons. He gets there. And then after the first set of trash he leaves, supposedly for only a few. BIO guys, he says, commenced by the echoing sound of crickets down the halls of Icecrown. He’ll just be <Away> for a few, right? We can clear this. Well, actually, no. Because once you’ve reached the first boss, pumped up on trash-mob adrenaline and the sheer rush of chugging 3 faction-specific Mountain Dews in a row, AFK guy ruins it by just sitting there, soaking up all that rep while your heart rate and the raid dynamic goes down the toilet. I will kick you very quickly, for you are useless to me while you’re doing…whatever…in Away Land, and you’re ruining what little bit of a metabolism boost I get in real life thanks to my obsession with this game.
Loud Mic Guy
Holy crapballs, figure out the Setup button on your Ventrilo or GTFO, for I would like to take my headset off and not feel as though I’ve been at a Sepultura concert for the last 4 hours. Unless you are the reincarnation of Billy Mayes and have no control over the volume of your voice, there is no reason you should be making my ears bleed. This guy has made a bad habit of cutting in at the most inopportune time, such as when the raid leader is giving directions and trying to prevent a wipe. If you continue to cause my ears permanent damage, as well as raise my repair bill to an ungodly number, (especially now…thank you, Patch 4.0…), you will be kicked and met with a permanent ban from my Vent channel, Loud Mic Guy.
Oh yeah, this is a bad one, especially if he holds the coveted Tank or Healer title. This guy went and paid an exorbitant amount of money on his account right before the raid, but failed to tell anybody. I mean, leveling…who does that, anyway, right? How preposterous.
Anyway, you’ll know him when you’ve wiped three times after the first boss on easy mode, when you hear, “Ooooh. There’s my taunt button!” or, “Smart heal? What’s that? And what makes it so smart, anyway?” Yeah. That guy.
Know Everything Guy
Ok, last but not least, this guy is probably one of the most annoying breed in the game, period, not just in the raid. Don’t get me wrong, knowing your toons, what stats they need and how to play them efficiently is, well, very important – and kind of the point – but this guy has taken it to an unhealthy level. You can learn rotations to maximize dps, heals, etc, all while staying calm and actually having fun, *gasp*, but this guy has lost all happiness in real life and in wow life unless he has proven to every member that he knows more than them, down to decimals, and this is without mods, people. Oh yeah, and he’ll try and duel every raid member while naked, with his weapons unequipped. Because, you know, he’s so amazing and everything. This only saddens me and annoys me very, very much, which can end badly for you, Know-It-All-Guy.