Furious Fan Boys

5 Things My Obsessive WoW Playing Has Ruined For Me

Being forced into the real world because of the horror we call “bills” has made me realize how much my gaming world has overlapped into my real world. The dynamic duo of these combined dimensions has turned me into the species Uber-Geek – the proud kind, mind you – which is especially evident when I’m observed in public while trying this thing called “socializing.”

Luckily, my Humanoid shroud will allow me a somewhat “normal” appearance for a little while, and until I’m awesome enough to get paid for my gaming, these are a few things that spending endless hours in Azeroth have ruined for me:

Romantic Relationships With Non-Gamers

Some have told me that it’s kind of sad if one of the top requirements for me in a romantic relationship is gaming ability. Actually, I guess it would be more accurate to say, “ability to put up with my countless hours of gaming, and without hearing any lip about it from you, guy.” My date must be prepared to listen to me pretty much everywhere at any time (and I do mean often in public, where people can hear you), talk about my toons and their upgrades obsessively without looking around in a panic to make sure nobody recognizes you. Oh, and if you have stuff to contribute to said conversations, then there may be a future for us – probably involving epic nights of raiding together while sharing a Brewfest keg. Geek love – it’s so shiny!

Staying Anywhere Close To Healthy

I go to work. I come home after long hours at minimum wage, frustrated and needing a release. Hellooo disgusting, neglected kitchen that holds the glory that is my refrigerator, which holds the glory that is my beer. As well as the sweet, sweet convenience of microwaveable meals. Hellooo computer, where I shall sit and unproperly digest my balanced dinner of a six-pack, half of a large bag of Pizza Rolls, and three Monster energy drinks. Oh yeah, and sitting for six hours of raiding while hunched over in a fit of passion is one of the best things I can do for my blood circulation, as well as my spinal curve, right?
Doc, if you’re reading this, I really was telling the truth – my Vitamin D deficiency, constant shaking and daytime comatose state aren’t from doing drugs…just WoW!

Having An “Adult” Conversation

Oh man, remember the first time you beat Bowser, or when you found the first flute in Super Mario Bros. 3? And it was the only thing that mattered in the entire world? Well, that’s how it was for me, anyway. Oh, those glorious days when you’re young and it’s socially acceptable to speak only in video game language. Now, I’ve learned it’s not that acceptable to end many sentences with, “for the win!” or to say you spent the entire night, and much of the morning, “pew pewing dragons.” Also, using stats such as resilience rating or agility to convey real-life abilities will confuse many outside of your circle, as well as profession-speak. For example, “man, I’m sore – my resilience rating isn’t what it used to be,”  or, when trying to connect with “normal” girls at work, I’ve said, “can I get a list of the mats you used for those cookies? They’re omnomnom!”  After speaking this foreign tongue to non-gaming adults, I often find myself being met with blank stares and a sudden uneasiness I involuntarily created. Silly me trying to be normal. And yes,  I swear that was a compliment, girl with the awesome cookies.

A Good Grip On Reality

There comes a point when one eats, sleeps and breathes their favorite video game. There also comes a point when they start to believe they have equipped whatever weapon/trinket/piece of sweet loot they’ve dreamed about for weeks and finally got. Call it unhealthy obsession, awesome imagination or hallucinations developed from the dynamic combination of sleep deprivation and hyperglycemia. I often find myself in situations wanting to flee, thinking, “oh, if only the haste bonus on my trinket would proc…” or spending many hours honestly trying to figure out how to make a real-life ignore button (oh yeah, I’d be coveting that little gem, for sure!) And why can I not just reach Mastery level at work, reforge my starchy armor and be set for life until I decide on my new venture in Dual Spec? I mean, seriously. They should do something about this.

The Definition of “Priority”

You grow up, you go to school and you join the exodus into the job world. Wake up, eat, work, go home, do your chores, eat some more, then rinse and repeat. Supposedly out in the real world you’ve learned that A) your apartment/house/parent’s basement will not clean itself, B) you must eat, sleep and shower on a somewhat regular schedule, C) you must emerge from your domain at least a little bit so people don’t start pointing fingers at the village weirdo. I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the path of becoming an adult. My dictionary has a picture of my computer desk, headset and weekly raid calendar next to the word “priority.” I come home, trudge through the filth and forgotten remnants of…something…that has now become my room, and make my way to my beloved computer desk, where I will then proceed to wade through the empty soda cans and plates for my computer. I shall then put off everything “good” for me such as eating, sleeping and taking necessary bio’s in exchange for nightly gaming adventures, all while simultaneously giving the finger to society and its standards.  Pffft. I’ll shower eventually, but for now there is a Tier 10 set out there with my name on it, and you know, it’s not just going to loot itself, now is it?

17 Comments
  • R4 DS
    November 15, 2010
    Reply


    #1

    I have to admit, it won’t be long before WoW is officially classified as a disease!

    • Staci Reed
      November 15, 2010
      Reply


      #2

      HA! I agree…Wow imagine that vaccine… lol

  • Gerald
    November 15, 2010
    Reply


    #4

    Not to troll, but I hope this is a farce.

  • offsauce
    November 15, 2010
    Reply


    #5

    this is the saddest thing i’ve read. wow isn’t a disease kid is just a loser.

  • Andrew
    November 15, 2010
    Reply


    #6

    “I often find myself in situations wanting to flee, thinking, “oh, if only the haste bonus on my trinket would proc…” ”

    See, I could relate to a few things you’ve said, but this is a bit much. Really? Your haste trinket? I and my friends play WoW, and sometimes the lingo carries over, mostly to comedic effect, but that’s just sad.

    Also, your desk is filthy. D: That doesn’t make you a gamer, it makes you a slob.

    • Jake
      November 16, 2010
      Reply


      #7

      Considering haste doesn’t affect run speed, that was another addition to this already ridiculous article where you attempted to appear knowledgeable but aren’t.

      Your changes to your life are because you’re lazy, perhaps WoW contributed to it, but it’s not the entire cause of your problems. Congrats on further making this game look worse by using it as the scapegoat to escape placing the blame on you.

      I play WoW, a few hours a day, and while some say I may be “addicted” due to having no exposure to it; my house is clean, my bills are paid and I can carry a normal conversation with a “real world” adult.

      • Jake
        November 16, 2010
        Reply


        #8

        Yay for double posting, and if it was unclear the post was directed at the article.

      • Staci Reed
        November 16, 2010
        Reply


        #9

        So after you’ve done all that “normal” stuff, do you then commence to spend your time reading “ridiculous” web content that you hate, ponder it for a while, and then spend time commenting on said ridiculous content that you hate? :-D Just laugh a little, bro, life’s too bombastic and awesome to be so serious! Imagining things is fun! Pew pew! :-D

    • Staci Reed
      November 16, 2010
      Reply


      #10

      Awww but I have super awesome ninja turtles on my desk, FTW!!
      Doesn’t that make up for it?? ;o)

  • MichaelBatalon
    November 16, 2010
    Reply


    #11

    Normally I would point the finger and say “Hah! Geek…” except that I saw myself in every line of this article.

  • Staci Reed
    November 16, 2010
    Reply


    #12

    Whoa…why you mad, bros? Just tryin to make some people laugh… it’s called…content… ;-) calm down, and lighten up peeps! Life’s too short. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to escape the monotony of my work day by imagining funny things. And don’t tell me a portable Ignore button wouldn’t be awesome, cus it totally would! Mwuha!

  • Mothrpe
    November 16, 2010
    Reply


    #13

    I think its funny, wow players are ANGRY, hahaha.

  • Mothrpe
    November 16, 2010
    Reply


    #14

    I like the conversations pic. I never thought I would be somewhat upset because I ran out of spicy mammoth treats for a virtual pet.

  • Blas
    November 16, 2010
    Reply


    #15

    This article is pretty much a description of me aged 14-20, then I had a baby, a mortgage and shit got real…. I think I rolled a 1 that day and some other fucker rolled a 100.

  • Daisycutterz
    November 22, 2010
    Reply


    #16

    Truth hurts I guess.

  • WoW Cata
    December 1, 2010
    Reply


    #17

    reality hurts…..
    gaming is it a cure… or a poison? That either heals or poison your view point of reality.

FuriousFanBoys is hiring


Fanboy Deals
Nerdy Shirts

Follow the Fanboys on Facebook:    On Twitter: