5 Things My Obsessive WoW Playing Has Ruined For Me

Being forced into the real world because of the horror we call “bills” has made me realize how much my gaming world has overlapped into my real world. The dynamic duo of these combined dimensions has turned me into the species Uber-Geek – the proud kind, mind you – which is especially evident when I’m observed in public while trying this thing called “socializing.”

Luckily, my Humanoid shroud will allow me a somewhat “normal” appearance for a little while, and until I’m awesome enough to get paid for my gaming, these are a few things that spending endless hours in Azeroth have ruined for me:

Romantic Relationships With Non-Gamers

Some have told me that it’s kind of sad if one of the top requirements for me in a romantic relationship is gaming ability. Actually, I guess it would be more accurate to say, “ability to put up with my countless hours of gaming, and without hearing any lip about it from you, guy.” My date must be prepared to listen to me pretty much everywhere at any time (and I do mean often in public, where people can hear you), talk about my toons and their upgrades obsessively without looking around in a panic to make sure nobody recognizes you. Oh, and if you have stuff to contribute to said conversations, then there may be a future for us – probably involving epic nights of raiding together while sharing a Brewfest keg. Geek love – it’s so shiny!

Staying Anywhere Close To Healthy

I go to work. I come home after long hours at minimum wage, frustrated and needing a release. Hellooo disgusting, neglected kitchen that holds the glory that is my refrigerator, which holds the glory that is my beer. As well as the sweet, sweet convenience of microwaveable meals. Hellooo computer, where I shall sit and unproperly digest my balanced dinner of a six-pack, half of a large bag of Pizza Rolls, and three Monster energy drinks. Oh yeah, and sitting for six hours of raiding while hunched over in a fit of passion is one of the best things I can do for my blood circulation, as well as my spinal curve, right?
Doc, if you’re reading this, I really was telling the truth – my Vitamin D deficiency, constant shaking and daytime comatose state aren’t from doing drugs…just WoW!

Having An “Adult” Conversation

Oh man, remember the first time you beat Bowser, or when you found the first flute in Super Mario Bros. 3? And it was the only thing that mattered in the entire world? Well, that’s how it was for me, anyway. Oh, those glorious days when you’re young and it’s socially acceptable to speak only in video game language. Now, I’ve learned it’s not that acceptable to end many sentences with, “for the win!” or to say you spent the entire night, and much of the morning, “pew pewing dragons.” Also, using stats such as resilience rating or agility to convey real-life abilities will confuse many outside of your circle, as well as profession-speak. For example, “man, I’m sore – my resilience rating isn’t what it used to be,”  or, when trying to connect with “normal” girls at work, I’ve said, “can I get a list of the mats you used for those cookies? They’re omnomnom!”  After speaking this foreign tongue to non-gaming adults, I often find myself being met with blank stares and a sudden uneasiness I involuntarily created. Silly me trying to be normal. And yes,  I swear that was a compliment, girl with the awesome cookies.

A Good Grip On Reality

There comes a point when one eats, sleeps and breathes their favorite video game. There also comes a point when they start to believe they have equipped whatever weapon/trinket/piece of sweet loot they’ve dreamed about for weeks and finally got. Call it unhealthy obsession, awesome imagination or hallucinations developed from the dynamic combination of sleep deprivation and hyperglycemia. I often find myself in situations wanting to flee, thinking, “oh, if only the haste bonus on my trinket would proc…” or spending many hours honestly trying to figure out how to make a real-life ignore button (oh yeah, I’d be coveting that little gem, for sure!) And why can I not just reach Mastery level at work, reforge my starchy armor and be set for life until I decide on my new venture in Dual Spec? I mean, seriously. They should do something about this.

The Definition of “Priority”

You grow up, you go to school and you join the exodus into the job world. Wake up, eat, work, go home, do your chores, eat some more, then rinse and repeat. Supposedly out in the real world you’ve learned that A) your apartment/house/parent’s basement will not clean itself, B) you must eat, sleep and shower on a somewhat regular schedule, C) you must emerge from your domain at least a little bit so people don’t start pointing fingers at the village weirdo. I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the path of becoming an adult. My dictionary has a picture of my computer desk, headset and weekly raid calendar next to the word “priority.” I come home, trudge through the filth and forgotten remnants of…something…that has now become my room, and make my way to my beloved computer desk, where I will then proceed to wade through the empty soda cans and plates for my computer. I shall then put off everything “good” for me such as eating, sleeping and taking necessary bio’s in exchange for nightly gaming adventures, all while simultaneously giving the finger to society and its standards.  Pffft. I’ll shower eventually, but for now there is a Tier 10 set out there with my name on it, and you know, it’s not just going to loot itself, now is it?