This weekend the controversial Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot hits theaters. Fans have been raging about the movie ever since the earliest rumors of it came out, but now we’re just a couple days away from it hitting theaters. If you’re a TMNT fan, even loyalty to the franchise shouldn’t get you in a theater. Here are five reasons to not see TMNT this weekend…
The New Origin
Forget about the stupid rumor that the Turtles were trans-dimensional aliens, the actual origin in the movie is even dumber. While the Turtles have had multiple different versions of their origin over the years, the one in this Michael Bay-produced disaster is probably the worse. The whole reason for the new origin was the put the focus on someone other than the Turtles, to make them nothing more than background characters for the human characters to react to. As it’s a big spoiler if you want to know exactly what the origin is, you can read it right here.
The Turtles Aren’t The Main Characters
Instead of telling the Turtle’s story, the new TMNT is the story of April. She’s our “window to the Turtles” meaning the entire movie is about her and how she reacts to the big CG mutants. It’s very similar to how they made the Transformers movies. This time the humans are the focus of the story and the title characters are just decoration to sell big action scenes with. Perhaps it’s because they made the Turtles CG and it’d be more expensive to have them in every scene as opposed to the old suits.
The Turtles Look Stupid
Speaking of the CG turtles, aside from Leo’s samurai outfit, all of the Turtles just look bad. They’re giant roided-out monstrosities that don’t resemble the Turtles outside of the colors of their headbands and their weapons. Maybe its the nostrils, but whatever the fault is, they could’ve made some minor tweaks to at least improve the title characters of the movie. But when you’re focusing on a vapid “actress” who says stupid things, that doesn’t seem to matter…
Megan Fox’s “F Off” Comment
First she called Michael Bay “Hitler”, angering Spielberg and getting herself fired from the Transformers franchise, and now Megan Fox has turned her airhead comments to those people who may not think her latest starring role is all that good. If you don’t like what Michael Bay did to the Turtles, she has this to say to you:
“Those people can complain – they all go to the theater. They’re gonna love it – and if they don’t love it, they can f**k off, and that’s the end of that.”
We Already Have a Definitive TMNT Movie
Perhaps the best reason to not see the Michael Bay-produced April O’Neil movie is that we already have a definitive TMNT film. The 1990 movie featured amazing animatronic suits created by the Jim Henson Creature Shop (and the 1991 sequel was the last thing Henson himself worked on), put the focus on the Turtles (not April), and contained the origin most people are familiar with. It was also pretty dark for a “kids movie”. The best part? You can actually see the movie for less than the cost of a ticket to the new bastardization. It’s available on Blu-Ray and you can find it for around $5 these days.