In a stunning announcement this morning, Lucasfilm has decided to revise the official Star Wars canon. Wiping out more than 50% of the previously-announced canon, the Star Wars saga now only consists of Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi. The canonical editions will only be the cuts that people experienced on VHS in the 80s and 90s, as opposed to the original theatrical versions.
Lucasfilm’s Kathleen Kennedy released a statement regarding this shocking change, “We just couldn’t ignore such well thought-out arguments from people such as “prequelsux420” on the internet. These are obviously the true and devoted Star Wars fans, as evidenced by the love and care that went into their well-produced “George Lucas Raped My Childhood” music video.”
Unfortunately this massive change to the canon, which not only erases three movies but also two very popular television series, has a ripple effect throughout all of the forthcoming Star Wars content.
Star Wars: The Force Awakens has been delayed until 2017 while the movie is being re-written and re-shot to erase anything that could possibly reference the Prequels that no longer exist. The current rough cut of The Force Awakens will be shown at Star Wars Celebration.
Sadly, Gareth Edwards’ Rogue One has been cancelled entirely as its story could not exist without Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones and its establishment of who created the Death Star in the first place. Likewise, Star Wars Rebels has also been cancelled and the second season will never air.
Finally the Lucasfilm Story Group has been fired. They will be replaced by a sole guardian of canon, Harry S. Plinkett of Red Letter Media.